Things are getting stressful over in my corner of uni-land, and I know I’m not alone, so I made this short video sending out positive vibes to the community! There is only one month left (including Thanksgiving Break), and I know that we can finish out strong! We will conquer these classes and reap the rewards of a relaxing Christmas Break. We can do this!
– Sword
Back in June, I proposed the idea of a blogging series about self-improvements I wanted to make. At first, it seemed like publicly writing about my frustrations would help me work through some thoughts and actually do something, but it quickly shifted to feeling more like a long post of complaints about myself.
About a week ago I posted a video about my mental health, and that felt much more effective. True, I was still technically talking about something I didn’t like about myself, but it felt much more constructive. I approached it more as a way of letting other people know that they are not alone in their struggles, and that made all the difference to me.
Photo Credit: martinak15 via Flickr
Moving forward, I think a better way to talk about these self-improvements is to discuss the progress rather than just the problems themselves. I’ve been trying to figure out what prompted this sudden desire to fix everything, and I think I figured it out. I have this idea in my head of what adulting looks like, and as I move closer and closer to being a true adult myself (i.e. out of college and in the work world), I am thinking more and more about the kind of adult I want to be and what I should be doing now to build a solid foundation for that.
Put in those terms, I know it sounds like I’m taking myself way too seriously, but surely I’m not alone in trying to prepare for the future in more ways than just going to class and making good grades. There is so much more to life than academics and work, and I don’t want to ignore that fact up until the point I graduate. These are the years where I will have the most freedom to figure out who I am and what direction I want to head in. I don’t want to take that for granted. I want to write about everything going on lest I forget what the whole point of these college years was.
In that post back in June, I put my life into a non-exhaustive list of categories, and here is how I’m doing so far:
Health: I signed up for an 8-week body positive yoga course, I binged watched this YouTube series, and am looking into how to incorporate more whole foods into my diet. Also, I’m trying to make water my friend again.
Anxiety: I have my first appointment with a therapist this week, and am working on keeping my schoolwork in check to avoid extra stress. I successfully made a few phones calls to make said appointment and deal with parking services which is a big win!
Clutter: At the end of a hard week, my bedroom looks absolutely awful, but there is such a wonderful feeling I get after straightening the place up! Much of my clutter was left back in my hometown, so that’s a bit of progress I suppose.
Spirituality: Church has been grounding, reminding me of what is important. I feel like I finally found a church family for the first time in a long while which helps me stay connected even more. I’m working on staying engaged spiritually more outside of church (i.e. praying and reading my Bible more).
Creativity: I’m writing more now than I have these past few months. I’m taking some opportunities in class to be more creative, such as with the weekly blog posts we have to do for Intro to Women’s Studies. It takes more time to write, but the end result is much more satisfying. I’m also getting back into the swing of making YouTube videos, even though my uploading is far from consistent.
Appearance: I’m considering trying a capsule wardrobe but am not quite ready to commit yet. Till then, I just widdled down my closet and ended up donating five full garbage bags worth of clothing! I also bought myself some basics like plain tanks because apparently that was something my wardrobe really lacked in (hence the all too familiar feeling of a closet full of clothes but nothing to wear).
So that is it for this week! These past two week have been exhausting and a bit overwelming, but I’m hoping the schoolwork will even out again, giving me more time to blog and make YouTube videos. If not, then you already know why I’ll be gone for a while.
With Love,
Sword
So this is what I was up to the first week of August. It was a heck of a week with so many ups and downs, but of course I only got a little bit of footage from the whole thing!
This is a mini-series on the blog exploring the different elements of my life I’m unsatisfied with and what I plan to do to change things. Please excuse the self-indulgent nature of blogging about myself. It’s therapeutic.
Freshmen year of college I lived on the fourth floor of an all-girls dorm and had to haul my way up and down those flights of stairs a few times every single day. I thought eventually that and the rest of the extra walking would improve my stamina and make those four flights of stairs bearable by the end of the school year. I was wrong. Up to the very last day I was still huffing and puffing my way up and down as we moved all my worldly possessions from the dorm.
Credit: Evan Blaser via Flickr
Growing up as a chubby kid and taking that chubbiness into adulthood, I have never considered myself to be a truly healthy, athletic, balanced, trim, (insert any other health-related word here) person. Granted, there are plenty of people out there who have a bit of weight on them but are perfectly healthy. Looking beyond appearances, these people do everything they are supposed to (as much as any flawed human could, that is). They exercise, eat a well-balanced diet, meditate, maintain healthy friendships, have a good self-image, everything.
However, I am not that kind of chubby person. I am the kind who hasn’t taken the time and effort to properly take care of herself in a long time. I am the kind who has yet to hold the motivation to do so for longer than two weeks. I am the kind who will walk for 30 minutes in the morning two days in a row and then consistently forget for the next six months. I am the kind who is addicted to good food that’s not good for you.
In the time I’ve had to self-reflect and look deeper into things that bother me, I have come to the conclusion that this is a result of not only improperly caring for myself but also having the mindset that it doesn’t really matter. That is why I have gone back and forth with this whole health thing. The only way I am going to be able to make a true, lasting change is to work on my mindset around it.
Granted, I am at a much better place now then I would be if I wasn’t vegan, but veganism is not a guarantee to excellent health. The vegan world still has plenty of tempting junk foods, and honestly any food is poison in excess. These three years since making the switch, I’ve never been a vegan for myself. It’s only ever been for the animals, and that will only take you so far when it comes to staying healthy. I can’t imagine where I would be right now if I had gone into college as an omnivore, though.
Besides working on the mental side of things, I don’t have a clear answer to this problem. I know it’s more of a journey than a singular decision. It’s 10 decisions a day and then some. It’s also a learning process, figuring out that the “natural” orange soda affects my body just like a can of Coke. It’s also learning what works best for me. That is something no one else can figure out for me and something not even I can figure out myself in any short amount of time.
Out of all the things I want to improve in my life, this is probably one of the most difficult and ambiguous. I don’t have clear goals in mind, not truly, but I still have some time on my hands to figure things out. If I do end up forging some clearer goals, I’ll make sure to keep you all updated.
Till then, here’s to improvement and always moving forward!
With Love,
Sword
Six months later, I’m back to blogging again and hopefully sticking to it longer than my previous writing bouts!
Ever since I came home for summer break, I’ve had a lot more time to think with a clearer mind. Sitting alone in my room while the rest of the house is asleep, I’ve been thinking about everything from wondering how soaked cashews make vegan cheesecake to trying to figure out what direction I want to head in with life and how exactly to do that.
Throughout this whole time I’ve felt stuck and inadequate in some unexplainable way. I couldn’t put my feelings into words until I saw this video talking about getting your life together. I was already subscribed to Coley, so when I saw this video in my subscription box, I felt this force pushing me to watch it. Perhaps it was the friendly computer ghost or that day old vegan pizza, but either way I’m glad I watched it!
She proposed a simple concept of making lists, but it was specifically what she suggested writing that sparked something in my mind and helped everything finally align. There were three simple things to list: what stresses me out, what I want to do to fix it, and who I aspire to ultimately be.
That was it. That was why I was feeling so odd. I simply felt like I had stopped improving myself. In some ways I even felt like I was doing worse now than I was a few years ago, but it seems to be that the main reason was because I had allowed myself to get so distracted with some areas of my life that I quit being mindful of the other areas. My priorities were no longer balanced, and it was starting to take its toll on me.
Now I won’t get into every single thing I wrote down in the lists because it’s over 1,000 words (mostly from the essay-style response to who I aspire to be). However, everything falls into seven general categories: health, anxiety, clutter, spirituality, creativity, socializing, and appearance.
Processing through everything, I can now better explain what’s been going on and what my stresses have been in these groups. It’s my hope that if I make these thoughts public then perhaps it will serve as a greater motivation to do something about it now that I have somewhat of a plan. Who knows? Perhaps one of you is going through a similar struggle and can relate.
Rather than go into everything in this post, I’m going to break things up and explain the groups further in separate posts.
I’m tired of feeling stuck in mediocrity, but I know that one thing I’ll have to watch out for is not becoming obsessive and unbalanced again. My ultimate goal through making these changes is to cut the amount of stress I have and build a foundation for the type of life I want to live. I’m certain to make mistakes along the way, but I’m excited to see what happens!
Regrettably, I’ve ignored this blog for months, but I think this is a wonderful opportunity to get back into blogging by sharing with you all the changes I’m making. Make sure to let me know what you think in the comments section, and tell me what you have been up to!
With Love,
Sword
Another video for my YouTube channel showing some of the beautiful sights in Santa Rosa, Florida!
Thought I’d try something new by posting my latest YouTube video on the blog. If you like the idea, let me know and I’ll start doing that from here on out!
I started college this fall, and it was the first time I ever had to face all the wonderful and awful things that come with living in a town where everything is new, from the restaurants and shops to the potential friends and hangout spots. I went back home for a few days at a time during this semester, but Thanksgiving break was the first time I was in my hometown long enough to really process just how much life has changed these past few months.
A little pile of memories
One of the things that changed the most was my social life. In high school, I grew comfortable with my ragtag bunch of theater kids, academics, and generally wonderful, quirky people. We became so close over the years, but now that we are 160 miles apart from each other, things have shifted. That’s bound to happen when you go from seeing each other practically everyday to only once a month at the most.
I noticed that (for the most part) the ones I was closest to in high school are the ones I have seen the most since graduation, and for the brief time I got to spend with those good friends, I went back in time (even if it’s just back to a few months ago). The funny part is that I’m not even entirely sure how I met them all. Somehow we just found each other and blended together beautifully, despite our differences. Because of that, I half-expected the same thing to happen in college, but it didn’t. I’ve met some wonderful people, especially in the vegan community here in Athens, but I feel like everyone I know is only an acquaintance and not quite a friend yet.
I don’t know what the turning point is on this journey from acquaintanceship to friendship, but I don’t think I’ve reached it with anyone in Athens yet. Well, my roommate is the exception, but I would hope that is the case after living together and seeing each other every single morning and evening for over four months now.
Before seeing my old friends again and having time to process everything, I didn’t realize how much I missed those deeper connections I used to enjoy on a regular basis. I see now that I won’t ever be able to recreate that kind of relationship in Athens, and that’s ok. The ones I care about the most will always be part of my life, and there is always room for different kinds of relationships. I don’t have to be soulmates with every person I talk to.
~ Sword
What are your friendships looking like nowadays? Let me know in the comments section!
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